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Male Client:
Why I am here in Touchstones12
For the past 10 years I thought alcoholism was the answer to all the problems in my life. I first started to drink when sadly my Father passed away suddenly, I was confused and angry, firstly I started by going out socially with my mates on weekends then I found myself drinking daily. I used to balance my drinking with my work and my relationship with my partner and I used to have a strong faith at a very young age but by drinking it made me alcohol dependant and most of the time I would isolate so I could drink alone; while I was drinking it made me depressed, suicidal thoughts and attempts, lonely, hopeless and powerless; my Doctor had said to me if I don’t stop drinking I would die I have tried detox 5 times and 2 years ago I looked at rehab but finally now I have started my recovery and I know my partner, friends and family are proud of me and I know one day I will be able to achieve my goals and I will be able to have a career and will be able to make a difference.
Today thanks to Touchstones12 I have been clean from this horrible illness for 3 months, I have started to grieve for the loss of my Father and work through the fantastic programme which will help me with my recovery now and I have a future. I am so grateful to all the Staff at Touchstones they have really helped me to face reality and I know that if I wasn’t for coming here I don’t think I would still be here it is either life or death I will never forget this, my faith with God my higher power is amazing, and that is massive.
September 2010
Male Client
I came here 2 get off CAT people told me I couldn’t do that, but six months later I’m back on track; I never thought I could do that, cause where I’m from all we know is drugs people getting robbed, burgled acting thugs an oz a day it was my life not afraid to use a knife. But then one day I woke up found a way out of using drugs instead of locked up in a police station so I left Wxm Colwyn Bay was my destination – to a house full of users some were addicts some were boozers felt so sad and all alone had no money, had no phone till I realised we were all in the same boat here to help to stay afloat no time to boast in a few more years I would be a ghost cause I could feel an over dose was coming close; so I stood back and took a glimpse left my life stop hanging with gimps, but now I’ve realised I don’t need them I can start my life over again make it fresh from the start givin up drugs I found it hard till I found my higher power then I blossomed like a flower the only difference is my leafs don’t die just as long as I give it a try: My greatest fear is that I don’t relapse but then I think back how my life was crap so I’ll never go back to the way I was taking drugs just chasing the buzz life a mess all a fuzz: Then I sat down and wrote this track opened my eyes and took a look back, but now I’m here feeling fresh thanks to T12 they done their best not just with me all the rest so this goes out to T12 – MASSIVE RESPECT!
27th July 2010
2011:-
A little bit of me.…
From the early age, of around 9 years old, life had already dealt me a pretty rubbish hand. And instead of having the ‘normal’ worries of a child my fight for survival began. It wasn’t long before I found comfort in solvents. There was always a can of hairspray or deodorant around the house. Or the occasional treat of a bottle of gas! It was great, as when faced with reality there was only so much I could take of ‘being strong’ with my ‘I’m ok’ head on.
Trial and error had now become my way of life. Self medicating in all shapes and forms to fill the void. The search for that missing bit of the jigsaw puzzle was on through self harm, eating disorders, occational drink binge, sex addiction(or was I looking to be loved?).
Co-dependency led me into many violent relationships. My earliest one was where i was introduced to amphet and the good old rave scene. What better way to escape? The feel good factor from the speed and the loud music to drown out my thoughts. Perfect!
Perfect until the lights came on and the music stopped. Then I was back to having to deal with me. Moving from place to place was another attempt to run away from me – hahaha! It didn’t click for a long time that I always took me with me. Falling pregnant with my first daughter, and beat from the chaos of the previous years, surely this little bundle I was going to bring into the world was now going to fix me? Noooo!
The fear of being on my own (and all the other baggage) and the co-dependency in me, led me to an unhealthy marriage, alcohol and the birth of another beautiful daughter. The following 12 years of alcohol abuse were horrific! For my baby girls more than me, as I was often passed out, or in a rage or blackouts. My girls lived it 24/7.
I was on first name terms with the police and paramedics like you do. And my doctor knew me as librium (lol!) with the amount of home detox es I had. My final act of insane behaviour (in blackout) lost me my girls. Which was, in a sense, a relief as they didn’t have to suffer at my hands anymore. And the thought of prison was looking good. To again escape the hell I was living, and this time my freedom would be physically taken away. To my disappointment the court decided on community service. I was arrested for drunk and disorderly the very same day.
My CPN, who was now working with me, suggested rehab and within a week I was in. And boy was I ready! But in no way prepared for what was ahead of me. I could write a book on what I learned in the 6 months I was at Touchstones 12. But in simple terms what they did for me was ‘grow me up’, equipping me with all the tools I should have acquired growing up as a child. I mean, people have been living like this for years!
I also gained a sense of self worth and an awareness of myself and my surroundings. I owe my life to the fantastic staff there.
July 15th 2011 will be my second year of abstinence. And life is good! My girls are also in recovery with evident growth.
There’s no such thing as a bad day. Just a learning day, although situations can and will always be challenging. Today I give my time as a support worker to ARC communities, coordinate for a group called AGRO (recovery through activity) and have completed training for SMART, which is soon to be introduced into our group.
I’m very aware that I’ll always be an arms length from a drink or drug. And that relapse happens long before the event. So for me it’s always important to challenge my thoughts (trigger)….before it becomes a feeling (urge)….to go on to act on it (lapse).
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